Tuesday, July 28, 2009

There's Something About Sarah

Man, I don't know whether to be flipping cartwheels or the middle finger. Sarah Palin is officially a non-entity in the current American political landscape. She holds no office. She is a private citizen. She has no more authority than you or I do.

Where to go from here? I adore this woman. Not because I agreed with anything she said, mind you. But because everything about her typified the current status of the Republican party. She was a train wreck of nearly biblical proportions, a constant source of embarrassment, a living example of the right's attempt to put lipstick on a pig. Or in this case, an elephant.

The truth is, no one in America would have any idea who she is (outside of Alaska) if Hillary Clinton had won the Democratic nomination last fall. When Obama got the nod, women throughout America who were poised to vote Hillary into office were primed for some backlash. The Republicans attempted to cash in on this bloc of disaffected voters by propping a woman, ANY woman, into the spotlight. Enter Sarah Palin.

She was governor of Alaska. Whoop de friggin doo. Look, I get that Alaska is the largest state, at least in terms of square miles. But Alaska is also a frozen wasteland, for the most part. The entire state is home to less than a million people. Los Angeles County has ten times that.

For all her attempts to sounds folksy and straight-shooting, she only succeeded in looking like a rube. I wouldn't want that woman teaching my children how to fingerpaint. She is uneducated (five years at how many colleges to get a four year degree in some irrelevant major), uninformed, and as politicians go, she hasn't got a leg to stand on. The town she mayored, Wasilla, has more meth labs in a ten mile radius than any other place in Alaska. Her "abstinence-only" platform left her a granny before 50, thanks to her daughter's inability to understand how to effectively use a condom. He grasp on fiscal matters shows that she left the town she mayored and the state she governed deeper in debt than it had been before she got there.

This woman is the Rosetta Stone of modern progressive talking points. Between her and the boys on C street, the Republicans seemed doomed. I truly hope they don't mothball Palin. I hope she gets a job as a commentator on Fox News. I just can't get enough of Sarah, and I hope to see her further embarrass herself and her party soon.