Friday, March 4, 2011

Dear Charlie Sheen:

Shut up.

Seriously, man, just pipe down.  We get it.  You're rich.  You like hot young women.  You like to party.  We get it.  There is no need to go on national media and announce it. 

When this happens to regular (as in, not celebrity) men in their 40's and 50's, it's called a mid-life crisis.  We get toupees, buy a convertible, chase 20-something girls and generally try to convince ourselves that the best is yet to come. 

You have five kids, the youngest of which were taken from you by law enforcement recently.  This should be a wake-up call to most dads to tone down the partying.  I hope it is for you as well.  There have been a lot of red flags in your life in recent weeks, though, and none of them have seemed to slow you down.

There is nothing the media in America love than a good public trainwreck, and you seem to be feeding right into that.  You have forsaken your privacy, and your dignity in the process.  And what's worse, you sent the media the message that all celebrities' private lives are meant to be a public forum.  You are an enabler of the worst kind of journalism - the paparazzi.  They feel entitled to know every little thing about your private life, and you're not the one to tell them differently, it seems.  You seem to delight in taking us all on your wild ride toward self-destruction.

The best may yet be to come for you, Mr. Sheen.  I can't tell you what the future holds.  But you are not a rock star.  Just accept it.  You're an actor, and a dad in his mid-40's.  Find a way to enjoy your life that doesn't make you look like a high school kid whose parents went on vacation without him and left him the credit cards and the key to the liquor cabinet.

And above all, try telling the paparazzi that it's none of their goddamn business.  They need to hear that once in a while.