Friday, February 27, 2009

To: Dick Morris, RE: shut the hell up already

You guys remember Dick Morris? This was a Republican politico that Bill Clinton took on as an advisor. Shrewd move on Bubba's part: in 1994 after HillaryCare crashed and burned, Republicans were worried about the Liberals taking over, and the war machine cranked into high gear. Led by Newt Gingrich, the Republicans took over Congress for the first time in decades. This crystalized the concept of checks and balances, and forced Bill Clinton to take on Mr. Morris as an advisor, to coach him in how to work with the Right Wing and still be productive. In 1996, Morris was scandalized for having a toe-sucking fest with a hooker. Clinton "asked him to resign", which in Washington translates into "handed him his hat and told him 'don't let the door hit your ass on the way out'."


Now I think Bill Clinton was a great President, for reasons I have outlined in the past on this blog. I think he was the perfect antedote for the damage inflicted by Reagan and H.W. Bush. That said, the man was a horndog. I mean this guy, despite all the good he did, had a libido that would rival most rock stars. And sadly, a lot of the good he accomplished was since overshadowed by his diddling of an intern. Now with that in mind, when Bill Clinton tells you that you're too much of a sexual freak to work with him, that's bad. It's like being called a tree hugger by Al Gore. I mean, it's extreme. You'd think Clinton, with his mojo, would appreciate a fellow ladies' man, but what Dick Morris was into went beyond the pale, so much so that Clinton publicly had to distance himself. There's stories of how Bill nearly took a swing at him more than once, and in the years since it's easy to understand why.


So now Morris makes a living among other things on Fox News, as a predictably anti-Democratic pundit. He is like their own personal Oscar the Grouch. He pops out of his can from time to time and spews some predictably negative venom twoards whatever Democrat they're discussing. This is a guy with zero training as a journalist, but he has a job on a news channel. Go figure.

My problem with Dick Morris is that he is so transparent. Of course he's anti-Democrat. He was outed as a whoremonger and humiliated when Clinton forced him to resign in disgrace. And rather than be apologetic, rather than seeking some obviously much-needed professional help, rather than showing any contrition whatsoever, he launched himself headlong into a career as an attack dog for whatever Right Wing outlet would cut him a check. He watched CSPAN and reads the papers and then opines on the news from a place of hurt feelings and kneecapped careers. He has made a career for himself by grinding his axe against the collective Left. The most pronounced item on Dick Morris' resume is the Herculian chip on his shoulder.

I'm less surprised at his mental state than I am at Fox's willingness to give him a soapbox. Fox (in vain) tries to promote itself as "fair and balanced", and then hands the microphone to this guy? I assume that to "balance" it out, they should give the microphone next to Noam Chomsky, Sean Penn, or some other "republicans are no damn good" mouthpiece. Just to even things out, you understand.

Morris is one of these guys champing at the bit to see Obama fail. His tiresome columns lament the passing of the torch to this America-hating socialist, and consistently predicts doom and gloom insofar as any of Obama's plans come to fruition. Morris is so single-mindedly dedicated to the notion that no good could ever come from a Democrat, I'm amazed anyone can listen to him and claim to have an open mind. I would find him amusing for his willingness to caricature himself as he does if it weren't for the fact that he seems to mean it, and he seems to think you should feel this way too. His writings are the worst sort of propoganda, aimed at hamstringing support for the President's efforts to repair the economy and the nation. Funny to me, since we just had eight years of Republican "leadership", and suddenly Dick Morris knows what we should do?

The point: Since Dick Morris seems to be teetering on the farthest edges of the right wing, we should all pay close attention to all of his ideas, all of his suggestions, all of his advice, and then immediately proceed to do the exact opposite. His pearls of wisdon read like the Republican Playbook since Bush stole, I mean won the election in 2000. And we see now in 2009 the dire straits our nation finds itself in as the result of these philosophies. It has been suggested that to do the same things over and over and expect different results is the very textbook definition of insanity. So now it is time for us to make a much overdue lurch towards sanity. It is time to abandon all things Republican, both in idea and action. It is time to tell Dick Morris to shut the hell up already.

By the way, we could just as easily substitute the same point for Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Mark Levin, et al.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Time to Catch Up With Current Events!

Greetings, loyal minions! Sorry for yet another absence. It seems like ever since the politicial season of 2008, I've been suffering from Bloggers Burnout. It's not that I'm lacking opinions, or that I no longer wish to share them. I'm just as opinionated and just as much of an attention whore as ever, so let's catch up, shall we?

Michael Phelps: So this bah-zillion time Olympic medal winner was caught taking a bong hit. Well, he's a young man, and young men do dumb things. It's kind of a rule. Not to say that smoking pot is dumb - you can make up your own minds about that. What was stupid was the fact that he let someone take a picture of him doing it.

So now Kellogg's and probably others are pulling their endorsement deals. I think he should seek endorsement deals with Domino's: in my smoking days I probably put some of those delivery guys through college. I can see it now - Phelps goes off camera, we hear the gurgle of a bong hit, see a plume of smoke, and he re-enters the shot with squinty bloodshot eyes and says "God, I could really go for a pizza!" Fade to the Domino's logo, and a voiceover saying "Dominos - pizza of Champions".

All that aside, my biggest complaint with the whole Michael-Phelps-hitting-the-bong thing is the people whining about how he's supposed to be a "role model". Oh please - shut the hell up. Role model? For who? The guy won like 14 Olympic gold medal, shattered records all over the place, and you're disappointed? Talk about a tough crowd. I'm reminded of something George Carlin wrote in "Brain Droppings": "if your kid needs a role model, and you aren't it, you're both f*cked." There's a lot of truth there. If you look to sports stars, even Olympic ones, or religious leaders, or politicians, or any public figure and anoint them with the title of "role model", you are setting yourself up for a fall. Everyone disappoints. Parents, clergy, teachers, friends, they're all human. None can live up to a flawless and consistent ideal. We all have bad days, weak moments, character defects, and if someone is naive enough to hitch their wagon to you, thinking you're going to lead them down the Path, they're going to be let down. To the parents of the young people: why aren't YOU your kids' role models? Why did you abdicate that responsibility to a stranger? Take the lead, and be the role model your kid needs. Otherwise, please please PLEASE shut the hell up.

More to come, I promise.