Time to Catch Up With Current Events!

Greetings, loyal minions! Sorry for yet another absence. It seems like ever since the politicial season of 2008, I've been suffering from Bloggers Burnout. It's not that I'm lacking opinions, or that I no longer wish to share them. I'm just as opinionated and just as much of an attention whore as ever, so let's catch up, shall we?

Michael Phelps: So this bah-zillion time Olympic medal winner was caught taking a bong hit. Well, he's a young man, and young men do dumb things. It's kind of a rule. Not to say that smoking pot is dumb - you can make up your own minds about that. What was stupid was the fact that he let someone take a picture of him doing it.

So now Kellogg's and probably others are pulling their endorsement deals. I think he should seek endorsement deals with Domino's: in my smoking days I probably put some of those delivery guys through college. I can see it now - Phelps goes off camera, we hear the gurgle of a bong hit, see a plume of smoke, and he re-enters the shot with squinty bloodshot eyes and says "God, I could really go for a pizza!" Fade to the Domino's logo, and a voiceover saying "Dominos - pizza of Champions".

All that aside, my biggest complaint with the whole Michael-Phelps-hitting-the-bong thing is the people whining about how he's supposed to be a "role model". Oh please - shut the hell up. Role model? For who? The guy won like 14 Olympic gold medal, shattered records all over the place, and you're disappointed? Talk about a tough crowd. I'm reminded of something George Carlin wrote in "Brain Droppings": "if your kid needs a role model, and you aren't it, you're both f*cked." There's a lot of truth there. If you look to sports stars, even Olympic ones, or religious leaders, or politicians, or any public figure and anoint them with the title of "role model", you are setting yourself up for a fall. Everyone disappoints. Parents, clergy, teachers, friends, they're all human. None can live up to a flawless and consistent ideal. We all have bad days, weak moments, character defects, and if someone is naive enough to hitch their wagon to you, thinking you're going to lead them down the Path, they're going to be let down. To the parents of the young people: why aren't YOU your kids' role models? Why did you abdicate that responsibility to a stranger? Take the lead, and be the role model your kid needs. Otherwise, please please PLEASE shut the hell up.

More to come, I promise.