Gay Marriage

So today in California, they struck down a state ban limiting marriage between a man and a woman. They said it violates the state's constitution. Naturally, there were the photo-op weddings taking places on the steps of the capital, with solemn same-sex couples having their unions presided over by judges as they gazed proudly into each others' eyes. We've seen this before.

Naturally, we can expect howls of riteous indignation from the religious right in this country. To them I say: if you don't want your clergy presiding over a same-sex wedding, make it a rule within your little cult. Jesus loves everyone, as long as they're straight I guess.

I say it's about damn time we start recognizing that gay people have the right to marry. It's hard for me to believe that we're willing to spend trillions of dollars and thousands of Americans' lives to preserve the freedom of people in third world nations, but when it comes to the freedom of gay Americans, we get all twitchy. To paraphrase Shakespeare's Hamlet, something's rotten in America.

I have to confess, the biggest argument against gay marriage strikes me as completely idiotic. "Preserving the sanctity of marriage" is the battle cry. I wonder, did people use this same vague objection when protesting interracial marriage? It surprised me to learn recently that it was only as recently as 1967 that we had to announce that it was okay for blacks and whites to marry. What kills me is that we had to ask the Supreme court to make it official. Maybe it's because interracial marriage has been legal my entire life (I was born in 1968), that I find it so second-nature. Of course blacks and whites should be allowed to intermarry. Why on earth would anyone oppose this? Then it hits me: some people are just ignorant racist assholes. And some of them are in government. All it takes is a few idiots in key decision-making positions to undermine the fabric of what is supposed to be a free and equal society.

Which brings me to gay people. Again, we have ignorant assholes, only this time around they're creeped out by the thought of two men or two women getting married, instead of a man and a woman of different races. Still, they concern themselves with things that don't concern them, and because of this irrational loathing, and because enough people take Leviticus seriously, we stand by and watch as an entire section of American society systematically gets removed from the freedom equation.

What is the "sanctity" of marriage? Is my marriage sacred to anyone but my wife and I? Do I have any right to expect anyone besides my wife to honor our marriage? Sacred is a relative concept. What is sacred to one person, or one group of people, doesn't necessarily have to be sacred to anyone else.

Which makes me wonder - is marriage really so sacred to those right-wing homophobes? Statistically in America, the odds are better than 50-50 that a married couple will eventually divorce. Look further at the statistics that show how many marriages that continue will experience infidelity and domestic violence. And let's not forget those marriages that don't end, but where the people involved stay together in loveless marriages "for the sake of the kids". Divorce, common though it may be, is an expensive proposition in America, with many lawyers making handsome livings by specializing exclusively in divorces. How many marriages have stayed together simply to avoid an ugly and expensive divorce?

My point is that straight couples haven't exactly kept the institution of marriage sacred. It's supposed to be two people who love one another and want to spend the rest of their lives loving each other. Maybe they have kids, maybe they save a few bucks on taxes and insurance, but ultimately, they are willing to stand up before their friends and families and declare an oath of lifelong love, honor and fidelity. In a world chock full of hate, that's a bold thing, and something to be respected.

Perhaps if the religious right in America were serious about preserving the sanctity of this institution, they could focus on their own conduct. Those who could themselves as evangelical Christians (as opposed to Catholic, or some other flavor) are the most likely, statistically, to divorce. If they want to convince the rest of us that marriage is sacred, they could start by whittling their own stats down. If they want the law to show a respect for the sanctity of marriage, I have a few suggestions. First, make divorce a felony. Caught cheating on your spouse? Six months hard labor in a state prison. Domestic violence? One year sentence in prison. There's all sorts of legislation that the could offer up that would demonstrate their commitment to preserving marriage's sanctity. Denying it to people who really want to marry just because they're gay isn't doing anything to preserve it. Hiding behind the Bible as a means to justify a phobia is just plain cowardly.

I say, let the gay people marry. If they can keep their divorce rates under 50%, perhaps they can teach us a little something about the sanctity of marriage